Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconzeroskyler: More from ZeroSkyler


Featured in Collections

Poetry by 91816119

writing by Hfeather53

DLD's I Have Featured by LadyofGaerdon


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
November 3, 2012
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,105
Favourites
30 (who?)
Comments
34
×
Sirens are singing through the storm
A white rose Blooms in a garden of thorns 
                 A Darkening Sky
                 A Hallowed Cry
                    Sirens are Singing 
                      But you never ask why                      
Emergency Lights flash in the cold
A Struggle that has long since grown too old
                 Silence Rushing In
                 Whispers in the Wind
                     The Darkness Seeping in
                        But you never ask why
        All of Her Thoughts
      Are Outlined in Chalk
    Wrapped in Yellow Tape
   So They Never Escape
Sirens are singing through the storm
A white rose Blooms in a garden of thorns   
                 A Darkening Sky
                 A Hallowed Cry
                    Sirens are Singing 
                      But you never ask why        
Somewhere you hear wedding bells ring
There's choir in the church but you never hear them sing
                  There's No Groom
                  There's No Bride  
                     Wedding Bells Chime                                           
                       But you never ask why
                     All of Her Thoughts
            Are Outlined in Chalk
     Wrapped in Yellow Tape
  So They Never Escape
Sirens are singing through the storm
A white rose Blooms in a garden of thorns   
                 A Darkening Sky
                 A Hallowed Cry
                    Sirens are Singing 
                      But you never ask why   
A Tempest Rages through the night
Families cowering, Lightning strikes 
                 Shadows Of Doubt
                 Power Goes Out
                     No One Calls Help
                        But You never Ask Why
                                        All of Her Thoughts
                            Are Outlined in Chalk
               Wrapped in Yellow Tape
  So They Never Escape   
                            Sirens are singing through the storm
                     A white rose Blooms in a garden of thorns                 
This poem is meant to be read at 3 speeds. Have the first part read very slowly. Then when you see the first part (sirens are singing through the storm) a second time around the 1/3 mark start reading at a normal pace. Then when you see that part for the thrid time at the 2/3 mark read quickly. when you see it the forth time at the very end read it at whatever speed you consider your heartbeat to be moving at (fast medium slow, if your heart is beating hard then it consider it fast)

Poem #4 of Castaway Crowns
Add a Comment:
 
:iconshadowtheblade:
A perfect piece of poetry, i must say. It was detailed perfectly, and i must say again, that the way someone reads this, they'd think that you would be a poet. You ARE a poet, not popular, (YET!!!!) but you are a TRUE poet, a poet that writes from the heart. I am an author, bur we share the same knowledge of writing. Both artistic, but in very, very different ways. You write in short, inspirational ways, i write in long artistic story's. Yours is harder to understand, but i think that your vision is better than mine and that you shall one day become the greatest poet ever.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconvalleigh:
Wow, You did a great job with it, you made it flow very well, and that is what made me wan to keep reading it.

The concept of this is very simple and easy to understand and to relate too. Your good at getting your feelings out in the open.

Your rhyming is very good, that is something I'm not too well with. It's fun to play with and see how long you can go, and to see what you can make from it, great job again.

I feel this is a good style for you, and you may want to work with this style and see how many more you can get from this idea, keep up the great work.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:icondaisyswirlz:
DaisySwirlz Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a great example of poetry perfection. Good job.
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you
Reply
:iconshrouded-tears:
shrouded-tears Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The structure is amazing~
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you
Reply
:iconpromptli:
promptli Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I absolutely adore how the structure contributes to it's meaning. :heart: Well done!
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D thank you
Reply
:icondailybreadcafe:
DailyBreadCafe Featured By Owner May 4, 2013   Writer
This has a great flow to it. I'm really impressed with the structure and form, well done!
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks
Reply
:iconconnundrum:
Connundrum Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful poem. Structure, content, everything. Love it.
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
yeah for some reason this is my most popular piece
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
All of Her Thoughts
Are Outlined in Chalk
Wrapped in Yellow Tape
So They Never Escape


beautiful
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much
Reply
:iconpylonzealot:
pylonZealot Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013
I like the structure.
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link]

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh cool I never noticed that
Reply
:icondani-the-naiad:
Dani-the-Naiad Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Fantastic rhythm in this. It has a very daunting kind of feel to it, like I'm sitting in suspense the whole time. Great work! Congrats on the feature at LITplease, too! :clap:
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Professional Writer
:wave: Hi! You've been featured by The Favorites Project at #LITplease!
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
that's cool, i never realized that
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Professional Writer
hehe..no problem. :)

Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
long time no see btw
Reply
:iconchildofthebeat:
ChildoftheBeat Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
Beautifully done :heart: - I agree, this would work really well as a song...
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
really? thank you. Sorry bout the reeeaaaallly late reply XD
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Writer
This has SUCH amazing rhythm and repetition. I'd love to hear it as a song.
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thank you. This coming from the leader of #TalentedWritersGuild herself. I am honored.
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Writer
You're most welcome. :)
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
hey quick question... is this the poem i submitted to that group?
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Professional Writer
No, it was a different one. :)
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
coudl you tell me the status of it :nervous:
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Professional Writer
It's still undecided. It can take a few days, since it needs three "yes" votes to be accepted. :)
Reply
:iconzeroskyler:
ZeroSkyler Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
thankyou :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icondexsterthewolf:
DexsterTheWolf Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012   Digital Artist
this is beautiful :iconcryforeverplz:
Reply
Add a Comment: